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26 Jan 2017

Why I Recommend Blue Films to Couples - Popular S*x Therapist, Tola Ajayi, Opens Up (Must Read)

In this educative and enlightening interview, a
popular s*x and relationship therapist, has
opened up on the recipes for good sexual life,
how couples can light up their bedroom games
and lots more.

While speaking in an exclusive interview with
Daily Sun at her Ikoyi office in Lagos, Nigerian
s*x, fertility and relationship counselor, Tola
Ajayi, who is the wife of Dr. Abayomi Ajayi of
Nordica Fertility Centre, gave an insight on what
a s*x therapist does, recipes for good sexual life
and lots more.

Below are excerpts from the chat:

How long have you been a s*x therapist?

S*x therapy has always been something I have
been doing even without training. For a long
time, I talked to people a lot about relationships,
sex and fertility. The s*x thing came up,
because when you counsel people on fertility
there's no way sex would not come up. I started
the training about 7 or 8 years ago on and off
and went for some training at Budapest in
Europe last year. Also, I was trained in different
aspects of counseling and that's what I've been
doing for some years now.

What's a good s*x life like; does positioning
have anything to do with it?

When you explore, when you try to look for
reasons why a couple is not enjoying s*x with
each other, it will help the therapist to know
how to go about it. Positioning is part of it. We
just have a stereotype of how sex should be
between couples especially as Nigerian men are
not so romantic.
They just want to have s.ex because they are
moved by what they see. That's why you may
see a man standing behind a woman and having
an erection, even though he has not met the
woman before. It's not so with the woman.
Positioning is telling them how to spice-up their
se.x life such that it's not always just about the
missionary position. A couple can try other
positions comfortable for both. You can do it in
the kitchen if you like and it will be interesting.
Husband and wife should tell each other, "I want
you to touch me here" as we all have fantasies
but we seldom express them. That's why men
go out to have girlfriends who are ready to give
them "what they want" and the man will come
home, just chop and clean mouth.
Some women are terrible too.

I'm a woman
also. Your husband may say "let us do it in the
kitchen" and they'll say "God forbid, you are a
sinner" just because he wants it in the kitchen.
The man will go out and do it in the bathroom
of somebody else and if the woman out there
has her own separate kitchen, he will do it
there. Do it anywhere, anyhow as long as it's
convenient for both of you. It doesn't have to be
on the bed, it can be on the floor, anywhere.
You can tell your husband maybe during his
lunchtime there's something you want to show
him and you are there naked and you do a
quickie before he goes back to work. That's how
it's supposed to be.

I tell you, a large percentage of men want this
but they can't say it to their wives because of
the way she would react. They'd rather do it
with the other woman who does not have
anything to lose. If the woman at home were
able to do that, the man probably would not go
out. Some men's spouses may even be more
attractive than the other woman, but that
means little to them if they can't satiate their
fantasies with their spouses.

Could you recall any memorable cases among
your clients?

I have a lot but they have different challenges.
Among them is a couple who has had about 16
IVF treatments both locally and abroad and after
the 16th attempt the woman now has a set of
twins. After the first set of twins, within a year,
she did another treatment and had a second set
of twins but the 16 attempts were not done in
Nordica alone. She had four with us. You look
at her situation and exclaim oh, this is God at
work. When I look at the babies, I could
recognize them and remember what happened.
For instance, a husband came in and was
unable to produce semen on the day of
treatment and that can kill anybody. Not that he
had the challenge of erectile issues but he just
went into the semen room and was unable to
produce semen for treatment. It became a big
issue. I told the man, why don't you drink stout,
maybe you will have some kind of energy.

The woman said "No my husband doesn't drink
stout". I told her that it's not about drinking and
the man went out, took a bottle of stout and he
came back. He went into the semen room and
came back and knocked at my door and he just
did thumbs up to me. The wife got pregnant and
had a son. There was a third man too who
couldn't have an erection. I told him we have
films he could watch and the wife said "film"?
No he can't do that". I reiterated just leave that
one, go and watch a film and they did….

What kind of film?

Blue films. The man watched them with his wife
and they were able to produce triplets. There
are lots of memories.

So, you recommend blue films?

Yes, especially when the man cannot have
erection. He needs something to stimulate him.
Most times, it's not as if they have problems
with erection at home but because of the
anxiety of having to produce in the clinic on
treatment day even for a test.
But Christianity and Islam preach against
pornography, especially churches. What's your
take on that?
Where is it written in the bible? One thing I have
come to realize is they over-spiritualize things. I
don't recommend going to a cinema to watch
porn; these things are private and you can
watch it in the comfort of your bedroom with
your spouse. I just told you about a couple that
were unable to produce and they did just that.
Why did the man have an erection watching a
porno? Whatever you have to do with your
husband or your wife to make your home
pleasant go ahead and do it. Watch
pornography, it's not sinful. Just make sure you
keep them away from the children though. If
your husband is aroused by a blowjob, do it.

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